Job Performance

For 25 years I’ve had the same job.  Most of the time I work independently and set my own schedule.  I have no direct supervisor or performance reviews.  I know other people who fulfill the same job responsibilities, but we work at different sites.  My job description constantly evolves.  I’m a mom, and I homeschool my kids.

I would like a word from You, Lord, about my job performance these 25 years.  I’ve failed many times.  There are so many things I would do differently.  I have regrets.  I feel like I was a mediocre servant, a mediocre disciple.  Did I fail my kids?

Did I make mistakes? Yes.

Did I admit my mistakes? Sometimes.  Not as often as I should have.

Did I love them? Yes.

Was I faithful? Mostly.  I reared them.  I disciplined them.  I read to them.  I helped them experience life.

I also yelled at them.  I put them in time out and forgot.  I avoided dealing with situations. 

I taught them.  I did not pray enough – with them or for them.  I trained them.  I supported them.

I released them.  I did not hold onto the adults past when it was appropriate. 

I loved them.  I protected them.  I defended them.  I fought for them, supported them, stood up for them.

I cherished.  I relished.  I nurtured.  I made allowances.  I forgave.  I cried.  I celebrated. 

I mothered.

I gave – to them and for them.  My time.  My love.  My energy.  My heart.  My knowledge.  My wisdom.  My strength.  My skills.  My weakness.  My imperfection.  My sin.

My all.

Did I give my all?  Yes, for the most part I’d say I did.  I’m human and a sinner. I made mistakes and wrong choices.

But I’ve given all I have to parent and teach these five.  I’ve read and researched.  I’ve studied – books and the children.  I’ve pondered and prayed.  I’ve second guessed.  I’ve agonized.  Would I do things differently?  Of course I would!  Hind sight, you know.

But I tried.  I can say I gave it my all.  Sometimes that all was pitiful, broken, misshapen or cracked.  But it was my all.

I long to hear a “well done, good and faithful servant,” but I fear I have not been good or faithful.  What might the Lord tell me?

“You’ve been faithful.  I’ve seen your perseverance, and I love your passion.  Sometimes you lost sight of first things first, you forgot to ‘seek first,’ and that’s when it began to crumble.  But I never expected perfection. I receive all you gave.”

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” Colossians 3:23-24

Happy Mother’s Day to me.  J

10 Things I Learned by Being a Mother

10 Things I Learned by Being a Mother

1.    Getting pooped on, throw up on and bled on is not that big a deal.

2.    Stuff will get stained.  Stuff will get broken.  Stuff will get ruined.  It’s just stuff.

3.    I am stronger than I thought I was.

4.    I am not as smart as I thought I was.

5.    Planning is good.  The ability to let go of plans is also good.

6.    No is a very loving word.  Refusing is a very loving act.

7.    Letting go is easy to say but hard to do.

8.    We don’t stop being parents when they turn 18, but we stop parenting in the traditional sense.  There are no books on how to do that.

9.    Although a part of me, my children are not an extension of me.  I cannot claim their successes as my own, neither should I be angry over their failures as reflecting on me.

10. Sometimes what is best involves pain and discomfort.  I understand a little better why God doesn’t instantly clear up every difficult, painful, uncomfortable circumstance.  I learned this by being a mother.