JOY for 2014

Psalm  63:3, 4, 7

Because your lovingkindness is better than life  

my lips will praise You

So I will bless You as long as I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

For You have been my help,

and in the shadow of Your wings

I sing for JOY.   

This year I had a word pressed upon my heart before I had verse.  The word is JOY.  I’ve been convicted that I’m not a particularly joyful person.  Specifically, when considering whether the example of my faith in Christ would encourage my children towards a relationship with God I had to conclude that no, it would not.  I don’t think they see any joy related to my faith.  Sure they see me laugh at family silliness and enjoy a movie or time with friends, but when turbulence hits I grumble just like the world does.  (Well, minus the cursing.)

I don’t see scripture making allowances for grumpiness, but I’ve been making MANY allowances for myself.  I can’t continue to call myself a disciple without addressing this area.  First some clarification of what I mean by joy. 

1. 1.       Joy is a choice.  Really my word of the year is two words: CHOOSE JOY.  Joy is not something that happens to me occasionally or something that falls upon me.  Joy is a response that I have complete control over.  Circumstances do not dictate my joy;  I determine my joy.
2. 2.       Joy is action oriented.  I tend to think of joy as a feeling, thus when I respond to situations based on how I feel, joy is usually missing. When I researched the word joy/joyful/rejoice in Psalm 63, the Hebrew words used refer to a joyful voice, singing, triumphing, shouting, crying out.  Expressing joy this way is an act of my will that can be completely separated from how I feel in the moment.  I see this ‘will’ reflect in the Psalm – “my lips WILL praise you,” “I WILL bless you,” “I WILL lift up my hands,” and “I (WILL) sing for joy,” where the will is implied.  (One of the other Hebrew words for joy comes from a word meaning ‘to spin round.’ I suspect choosing to spin round singing praises on a regular basis would change my life.)
3. 3.       Choosing joy is choosing to trust.  Verse 3 starts with “because your lovingkindness is better than life my lips will praise You.” When I choose joy I am saying, “I don’t see it right now, but I believe Your lovingkindness is better than life.  I believe You are good.  I trust there is something greater going on that I am missing.”

Joy in the face of tragedy and sorrow is a topic for a much longer discussion.  Right now I’m focused on joy in the face of kids who have left a mess, long check-out lines leading to late appointments, traffic jams, careless words tossed out by a friend or spouse, filthy kitchen floors,  and people that fail you.  This is daily life for me and historically I choose grumpiness!  I choose a silent anger hoping it will convey my displeasure.  I choose sharp, sarcastic comments.

By the calendar I’m been a disciple of Jesus for over 30 years.  Currently I think I’m a pretty crummy disciple.  Jesus urged “take up your cross and follow me,” but I’m not even willing to let go of minor offenses that fill daily life.  I can glibly state I will choose joy, but when I’m hurt, angry, frustrated, disappointed or overwhelmed, will I?  On my own strength, no.  No chance.  By submitting, repenting, and depending on the grace of Christ I can. 

I have yet to be tested, and something tells me it won’t be pretty.  My grumpy habits are pretty ingrained.  But Paul exhorts that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Who knew that the toughest thing of all would be a simple choice.  To choose joy.

Haven

Most mornings I read morning prayer from a website posting the Divine Hours, a version of fixed hour prayer.  I'm not a morning person, so this enables me to pray when I have no words of my own.  I don't know what version of scripture they use, but almost daily one line jumps out at me.  A couple of weeks ago, what struck me was Psalm 18:1  "O Lord, my stronghold, my crag, my haven."

I have looked up many versions (praise God for online Bibles!) and can't find one that uses the word haven.  I'm not even sure which word is translated haven.  Using different versions and Strong's Concordance, I tried to paint a picture for myself: my place of safety, the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, my rock in whom I take refuge, my high tower, place of defense, inaccessible place.

This year promises to be challenging.  Living in two different cities is not conducive to family life!  Three weeks out of the month I will be juggling home, school, children and all the responsibilities those require with Vince popping in most weekends.  God uses all things, however inconsequential, to remind of himself and his purposes.  I just don't think it's an accident that Vince currently lives in an apartment complex called "The Haven."

What is a haven?  A place of hiding, safety, retreat, protection.  One week a month I will retreat to our 'haven.'  I will have limited responsibilities (schooling Joel and Anna, cleaning a two bedroom apartment and fixing meals).  Vince will come home to us each evening.

In the midst of a hectic year, more hectic than most, God has provided a haven.  A place for rest, a place to hide from sometimes overwhelming responsibilities, an escape, a place of safety.  When I miss my husband, when I question why we are spending so much time apart, when I'm weary from driving over 200 miles, I pray that as my headlights light up the words, "The Haven," signaling the end of the journey I will give thanks to God for providing us a haven when I most need it.