Light in the Darkness

“The people who walk in darkness will see a great light; those who live in a dark land, the light will shine on them.”  Isaiah 9:2

I always hated in school when we were asked to describe the theme of a book or a poem.  I love to read, but I’m just not good at seeing themes and symbols.  However, Isaiah is making some obvious to me, light and darkness being one of them.

The word used here for darkness means literal darkness, but can also mean misery, destruction, death, ignorance, sorry or wickedness. The root word it is taken from means to darken as in withholding light.  Even more interesting to me is that the phrase ‘dark land’ means shade of death, the grave or shadow of death. 

I’ve felt like I’ve been in darkness. Darkness by definition means seeing is not possible, and there have been times I haven’t been able to see the way forward.  Depression has been my darkness.  Sin and anger have been my darkness.  Unforgiveness has been my darkness.

Darkness is overcome by light.  Light is the hope in the darkness, the cure of darkness.  Here the word for light means illumination, luminary in every sense, happiness, morning, sun. In Revelation Jesus refers to himself as the Bright Morning Star.  John calls Jesus the Light.  It sounds trite and cliché to say Jesus is the light in darkness, but it is also truth.

The darkness of wickedness (my unforgiveness for example) is overcome by the light of Christ who forgave ALL my sins and asks me to forgive others.  As I submit and repent, light shines in my darkness.

The darkness of hopelessness is lightened by the presence of Christ.  Even when or especially when physical death is immanent, Christ is the reminder of eternal life, that this world is just a shadow of eternity.

The people of Isaiah’s time faced a darkness of distress and anguish, a darkness of very real fears of a very real enemy, and a darkness of ignorance through rejecting God, His ways and His prophets and looking to man for solutions.  Isaiah prophesied that these people in darkness would see a great light.  We read with the knowledge that he is foretelling Christ, but to the people light symbolized hope, help, even deliverance.

When we say Jesus is the light, we are saying He is what overcomes darkness. Whatever the darkness we walk in, Christ has the answer.  Christ is the answer.  Not the answer that we have decided will fix everything, but the presence that changes everything.  “Those who live in a dark land, the light will shine on them.”

Resolutions 2015

My Hope is Found

I love new beginnings, and January 1^st is the grandest of new beginnings!  A fresh start! I have new (unrealistic?) enthusiasm for what I can do this year.  I know it won’t play out as glorious as I envision today, but today the vision is exhilarating!

For over a decade I’ve prayed about a verse to focus on each year.  Last year I simplified to a word.  This year the word came early, in November.  Hope.

I’m almost 50, and there are some things I’m coming to terms with that I probably won’t do and that probably won’t change.  At times I’m discouraged that it’s too late, that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.  Hope is a very personal, interior word for me.  It reaches into the depths of my heart with the whisper that “In Christ alone my hope is found.”

My soul, my heart cries from within that the Lord is my portion.  What I’ve been allotted is by definition all I need to thrive, to live the abundant life.  The Lord is enough.

Because He is enough, I can hope. I can wait expectantly for what is to come.  I could rewrite the verse to say, “Therefore I will look forward with reasonable confidence, confidence in Christ, not myself or others or circumstances.”

“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

It’s fine and dandy to ‘say’ I hope, to intellectually acknowledge that in Christ alone my hope is found, but sometimes I want or need to feel it.  The path to feeling it involves drawing near to Christ.  I must pray.  I must dwell in the Word of God.  I must carve out time to be still.  I must unplug so I have a chance to hear the still, small voice.  The good news is that those practical steps give me a way to take action.  The bad news is that discipline and consistency is beyond challenging for me.  I want to be like Samantha Stephens from Bewitched and wiggle my nose for results.  This journey has no short cut.

I went rock-climbing with my family Christmas Eve.  No, really!!

I wasn’t sure I’d make it to the top, and there were several moments I thought I’d reached the end of what I could do.  I think the key to climbing a wall, to climbing a mountain, to walking with Jesus, to life, is to not look down/back.  As Ann Voskamp writes,

Failing? What feels likes losing is really gaining experience.

Forward!

Falling apart? Fall forward into whatever. comes. next.

Forward!

Fearful? Fear is always the first step forward of faith.

Forward!

Whenever you are lost, FORWARD is always the way Home.

I made it to the top of the rock because I kept looking forward and reaching forward.  This year, when I feel stuck, when failure looms large, when hope shrinks small, I purpose to move forward. When my prayer life falters, I will move forward and pray today.  When I’m weeks behind in my scripture reading, I will move forward and read today.  When it’s June and I’ve only memorized one stinkin’ verse, I will move forward and start on the second. When I’m frazzled, overwhelmed and just want to watch an entire season of Bones on Netflix while downing a bag of chips, I will move forward and take five minutes to breathe in stillness.

“This I call to my mind, therefore I have hope:

the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:21

Amen. 

My current invitation from the Lord

^{Song of Solomon 2:10-13}

10"My beloved responded and said to me,
'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along.
¹¹'For behold, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
¹²'The flowers have already appeared in the land;
The time has arrived for pruning the vines,
And the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land.
¹³'The fig tree has ripened its figs,
And the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance.
Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along!'"

This passage speaks to my heart. It is an invitation to hope. It is encouragement. It is a reminder that in God's eyes I am beautiful and cherished. I am stunned to think the King of the Universe loves me so.

Things Above

Colossians 3:1-2 “Therefore if you have been raised with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.”

I always seem to get caught below. My mind spends most of its time on the things that irritate or annoy me, the things that need to be done, the things the children are NOT doing. Or I’m beating myself up for not spending my time wisely, not getting enough done today, forgetting to run that errand, not making sure the kids finished their school work.

Just what are the things above? I count myself among those who have been raised with Christ, so how do I see the things where Christ is, the things associated with the Father? “Set your mind…” That’s an imperative, a command, which must mean I can do it. But how? ‘Below’ shouts at me and pulls at me. ‘Above’ seems distant and inaccessible.

[Light bulb moment!] That’s what Jesus was all about. Descending to ‘below’ in order to make ‘above’ accessible for us. To seek the things above, to set my mind on things above, I must get to know the One who allows me access to ‘above.’ I’ve been a Christian over 20 years, yet how well do I really know Christ? I know a lot ABOUT Christ, and 10 years ago I would have said I KNOW Him. Maybe it’s an instance of the more I know, the more I realize I don’t know. I don’t KNOW Christ, but I have a longing in me that there must be more than what I have experienced.

I don’t know how to set my mind on things above. But I’m hopeful because I think I know the first step. I’ve known it for years, I just frequently allow the ‘things below’ to take top priority and I squeeze in time soaking in the Word or praying when I ‘find time’. Or I allow ‘things below’ to completely squeeze out Jesus and fall in bed at night tossing up sleepy, scattered prayers pledging to do better tomorrow.

This year, my goal is to start each day with my Bible and my journal. Revolutionary idea? Of course not! I’ve known for years I needed to start the day this way. But I get up late, kids are rowdy, I have to go somewhere – there are a thousand excuses. Later, I tell myself, I’ll pray later. And later never comes. So today, although it’s after 9 am and we should be doing school, I’m reading, writing, sitting still, attempting to listen, and then falling on my face asking the Holy Spirit to fill me, speak to me, help me. I feel guilty. A ‘good’ homeschool mom would be up early having her quiet time so she’d be schooling by now. True, but I have to start where I am. I’m desperate enough to believe that this time with the Lord is really, truly THE most important thing I can do for my family.

I think a Mommy whose mind is set on things above will parent better, teach better, disciple better and even manage the home better. I sure hope so. Remember that scene in Star Wars: A New Hope where Princess Leia in the hologram says, “Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.” Well, I’ve tried a lot of things in my own strength, and nothing has worked. I’ve finally figured out I can’t do it on my own, and for the first time I’m REALLY crying out, “Help me, Jesus. You’re my only hope.”

Alone

I've struggled with many things these past seven months that my husband has been deployed, but one of the most difficult and most constant is feeling alone. Alone and responsible. Alone and falling apart. Alone and overwhelmed. Yesterday, I sat crying in the Target parking lot about moving my son to college – alone.
Lord, let's explore this 'alone thing.' Why do I so hate and fear feeling alone? Why do I so desperately want to call and connect with a human when I feel this way? It's an interesting balance because the Lord does want us to support each other and be there for one another. I've had to learn to ask for help and reach out to others. But this time, I think part of what the Lord is teaching me is to come to Him first and to depend on Him and Him alone. Too often I have run to husband or friend, or I have distracted myself with a book or TV rather than running to the Lord.
Lord, how long have I felt alone? I suspect this is not just about the deployment. What is the lie I believe? That I really am alone and have to do it all alone.
What is the truth I need right now, the truth that will soothe my spirit and calm my tears? "I will never leave you nor forsake you." I can't say that immediately stops the weeping. Instead I cry harder because something has been touched within my spirit, something that I don't believe but desperately want to believe. I search the scripture.
John 14:16 "I will ask the Father and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever."
John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."
Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid … for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."
Joshua 1:5 "Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you."
I pray that I will believe – and be changed. Oh how I pray that I look back on this deployment and all my struggles and see growth and change.
This morning I read the 'wrong' devotion – the wrong date but so appropriate for me. August 18 in Streams in the Desert, entitled (unbelievably) "Alone."

The hill was steep, but cheered along the way

By converse sweet, I mounted on the thought

That so it might be till the height was reached;

But suddenly a narrow winding path

Appeared, and then the Master said, "My child,

Here thou wilt safest walk with me alone."

 

I trembled, yes my heart's deep trust replied,

"So be it, Lord," He took my feeble hand

In His, accepting thus my will to yield Him

All, and to find all in Him.

One long, dark moment,

And no friend I saw, save Jesus only.

The poem ends gloriously, with a description of heaven.

And we who gather in the golden streets,

shall oft be stirred to speak with grateful love

Of that dark day when Jesus bade us climb

Some narrow steep, leaning on Him alone.

I pray 'alone' would forever be an opportunity to "yield Him my all, and to find all in Him."

21st Century Paraphrase of Psalm 23 (from a woman’s perspective)

My Lord shepherds me, continually leading and guiding me, taking care that my needs are met.
He invites me to the quiet of the soul spa where I can lay back and unwind without guilt. He massages my soul until I relax and am at peace.
He insures I follow the ways of truth, justice and holiness. His motives for my right living are simple and pure: ALL for the glory of God.
In the midst of anxiety, depression, grief, panic, despair, or when the world is closing in, Jesus is with me. I can choose to fear or to cling. He lends His walking stick for me to lean and wields His rod to drive away attackers. I rest easy in His presence knowing I will be supported, strengthened and defended.
You escort me to a lavish banquet, and the others present simply do not matter. You pull out my chair and seat me like royalty. My glass is never empty; the feast satisfies me beyond measure. The abundance overwhelms me.
You pour upon me excellence, generosity, virtue – the best part of all that is right – tempered by and with regard to my failings. You grace me with compassion, kindly forbearing and restraining judgement or punishment, not once but every day of my life.
Forever I will seek the presence of God and remain where God dwells.

Measuring Success

I finally sat down to fellowship with the Lord today at 6:30pm in a quiet corner of the theatre where my son was rehearsing. I opened by singing softly "Quiet my heart," "Jehovah Jirah, my Provider," and "Create in me a clean heart." It takes me some time and focus to quiet my heart (and mind!) Then I prayed through the armor of God and through 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, copying these verses as well. As I sat quietly, asking what to read, it seemed I needed to stay in that passage. I broadened a bit to read all of chapter 10.
I have been in a season of struggling: my husband in Iraq, 5 children, messy house, teaching a teen driver, too much driving, panic attacks, medication and its side effects, loneliness, behind in every area of life. I measure myself constantly and ALWAYS come up short. I'm failing – miserably. Tidbits from chapter 10 spoke to my heart as if straight from the Lord Himself.
"You are looking at things as they are outwardly." (verse 7) Oh yes! Absolutely and all the time! Is there another way to look at things? How can I help but look at my messy house, chaotic schedule and frantic spirit. Verse 13 tells me to look "within the measure of the sphere which God apportioned to us." What is the sphere God has apportioned to me? That would be important to know if I am to measure ONLY within that sphere.
I am uncertain, and then suddenly, after sitting quietly some time, I am quite certain. Today (and until I 'get it') the measure of each day is did I spend quality and quantity time with God. Morning would be best, but any time of day will suffice. If so, the day is measured as a success. End of discussion. Nothing else matters.
Paul starts chapter 10 referring to the "meekness and gentleness of Christ." I am so thankful that He is gentle with me, much more so than I am with myself! I've been a Christian for over 20 years!!! Why am I still struggling with what should be basic? Nevermind. Today, for the first time in a long time, I will go to bed considering the day a success. Tomorrow I will measure myself within the sphere God has apportioned to me at this time of my life. No comparing with others. No comparing with some ideal I've created. A burden is lifted and a measure of peace fills my heart. Ah, the goodness and gentleness of our Lord!

It's raining hard

I love the devotional Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman. First published in 1925, it reflects a time where followers understood the role of suffering plays in our character development. I tried to find an online link for this excerpt, but my edition has different devotions than the one on Crosswalk.com.
~June 15
Perchance some one of God's chastened children is even now saying, "O God, it is raining hard for me tonight." ...
Withal, friend, you are mistaken. It isn't raining rain for you. It's raining blessing. For, if you will but believe your Father's Word, under that beating rain are springing up spiritual flowers of such fragrance and beauty as never before grew in that stormless, unchastened life of yours.
You indeed see the rain. But do you see also the flowers? You are pained by the testings. But God sees the sweet flower of faith which is upspringing in your life under those very trials.
You shrink from the suffering. But God sees the tender compassion for other sufferers which is finding birth in your soul.
Your heart winces under the sore bereavement. But God sees the deepening and enriching which that sorrow has brought to you.
It isn't raining afflictions for you. It is raining tenderness, love, compassion, patience, and a thousand other flowers and fruits of the blessed Spirit, which are bringing into your life such a spiritual enrichment as all the fullness of worldly prosperity and ease was never able to beget in your innermost soul. J.M.McC.

Some of my friends are beautiful gardens.