Lent 2017 - Day 9 - Isaiah 12:2 - Trust

"Behold, God is my salvation.  I will trust and not be afraid." Isaiah 12:2

So simple yet so profound. So simple yet so difficult. Trust = do not be afraid.

Fear has been a big part of my life.  After all, panic attacks are fear in extreme form.  My crazy, unreasonable, Satan inspired fear that something is wrong with me, that I'm having a heart attack, that I will die is dealt with solely by trusting.

I trust God when He says the days ordained for me are already recorded. (Psalm 139:16). I trust God when he asks, "who of you, by being worried, can add a single hour to his life?" (Matthew 6:27)

Either God is in control of my days ... or He's not. There's really no middle ground.

Either God is good ... or He's not.  Again, there's no middle ground.  So if I don't SEE the good, I trust there is good.

Not easy -- but simple.

Lent 2017 - Day 8 - Isaiah 17:17-18 - Look

"In that day man will look to his Maker, and his eyes will look on the Holy One of Israel.  He will not look to the altars, the work of his hand, and he will not look on what his own fingers have made." Isaiah 17:17-18

Do I have to wait for that day? Can I accept the caution and start looking now - directing my attention to my Maker, fixing my eyes on the Holy One? To do this I have to turn my gaze away from other things - things I worship, things I have made, things I have done.  Are these things I take pride in or would be tempted to boast about?

Altars.  That's the one I have the hardest time identifying with.  Things I've placed on a pedestal.  Things I've put on a higher plane than they ought to occupy.  Things or people I've placed before God. What does this look like in the 21st century? Is it the things or people I look to for satisfaction, fulfillment or to feel good? Hmmm, like my marriage, my husband, my friendships, my children.  It could be a job. It could be a hobby or other pursuit.  In micro moments it could be facebook when I'm tired and lonely, Netflix when I want to forget the world.  These things and people aren't wrong in themselves just like the work of my hands is not a bad thing.  The wrong comes in what I am looking to those things or people to provide.

Another way to ask this is who or what is my source of contentment, love, peace, well-being?

Lent 2017 - Day 7 - Isaiah 14:13 - Pride

"You said in your heart, I will ... I will ... I will ..." Isaiah 14:13

What have I said in my heart that 'I' will do? This passage referring to the king of Babylon is a caution against raising myself up, against putting myself in the position of Lord and ruler.  I don't intend to try to usurp, and in reality I never have the power and authority I think I have.  I'm like a child climbing up on a throne, trying on a crown, and pretending to be in charge.

This Lent my pride is ever before my eyes.  I'm grateful and also embarrassed.  I'd kept it hidden pretty well, from myself at least.  My murmurs stayed in my heart - 'I will.' My judgements stayed in my heart.  My criticisms stayed in my heart.  God in his mercy is pulling them into the light and placing them before me one by one.  I'm sorry for thinking I'm smarter.  I'm sorry for rejoicing that (I think) I can do something better.  I'm sorry for anger than stems from hurt pride because I think I know better.  I'm sorry for wanting control, for wanting to decide.

Out loud I say I will repent.  I will humble myself before you.  I will seek first the kingdom of God.

Day 6 - Lent 2017 - Isaiah 11:10 - Resting place

"Then in that day, the nations will resort to the root of Jesse who will stand as a signal for the peoples; and His resting place will be glorious." Isaiah 11:10

The root of Jesse = Jesus = resting place. The grammar may not work exactly, but that's how I read this.  Jesus - visible above the fray. I'm assuming that his resting place is the place where Jesus is. And it is glorious.

With Jesus - the place where Jesus is - is rest.  I'm in a weary place, and I can't imagine anything more glorious than a resting place.  No time limits. No fatigue. No rising anxiety because of all that needs doing or all who need something from me.

If the person is a place then that place is infinitely accessible.  If Jesus himself is the resting place, and if Jesus himself is with me, then I can be in a glorious resting place any day, any time.

I get there by reaching for his presence.  I don't need to find God; He is already here.  I need to pause, to listen, and to reach.

Day 5 - Lent 2017 - Isaiah 9:1 - Joy

"But there will be no gloom for her who was in anguish ... you have increased its joy. They rejoice before you as with joy at the harvest." Isaiah 9:1, 3

This makes me think joy is something You value/desire/like/give. As a Father, you long to see your children rejoicing.  Yet life brings anguish and sorrow, and you don't always remove the source of anguish instantly.  On this earth we suffer, we struggle, we grieve.

Does anguish always end? "There will be no gloom." In a walk with Jesus --- it's not a walk in continual anguish, is it? Does our feeling of anguish dissipate because the source of anguish is resolved, or is it because we are changed in the midst of suffering?

I think of Betsie and Corrie Ten Boom in the concentration camp.  Corrie describes Betsie as walking in joy through anguishing circumstances.  For Betsie they did not change; she died in the midst of them.  Both women were delivered - one straight to heaven where there is no anguish ever, and one to continue to walk the earth with struggle and joy.

You want to teach us true joy.  And it doesn't come from comfort, good times, or temporal pleasure.  True joy is deeper.  It can be experienced in the good times, but we confuse it with just being happy and enjoying life.  Perhaps anguish can purify joy by propelling us into the arms of joy itself. Perhaps joy is not a fleeting emotion but a solid presence.

Lent 2017 - Day 4 Isaiah 7:4

{More than 5 minutes of writing today because sometimes I'm not quite there yet.}

Isaiah 7:4
"Be careful, be quiet, do not fear and do not let your heart be faint." NASB
"Listen, calm down. Don't be afraid. And don't panic over ..." The Message
"Take heed and be quiet; do not fear or be faint hearted for ..." NKJV

Three different versions of the advice to a king with an enemy on his doorstep.  Today those words speak to me as I face not an enemy but a mountain of 'to-do's.'

Take heed - or listen.  Follow my advice. Pay attention.

Be quiet. Lord, is 'be still' implied in this? It's impossible for me to hear unless I'm quiet, and quiet is usually accompanied by stillness.  Quiet is rare in our world.  Quiet does not happen without intent and purpose.

Don't be afraid - do not fear.  Does this mean don't fear my inadequacies? Don't fear that I will fail? Don't fear that I will disappoint others?

Do not let your heart be faint.  Don't panic.  You mean I have control over this response? What?!?! How?

Faint heart --------- fixed heart
Panic ------------------- promise

My child, fix your heart, your focus on me first.  Seek me first, lay everything before me, and rise to face the day firm and steadfast. This is not advice, it's more like the law of gravity, cause and effect.

My child, panic arises from a lack of trust.  I say this not to chide you but to remind you there is another way.  My promises erase panic.  When you cling to and trust in the truth that I am good, I am love, and I am with you, your heart is strengthened and peace replaces panic.  Another cause and effect.

Lent 2017 - Day 3 - Isaiah 5:15

(My 2017 Lenten discipline - 5 minutes of writing a reflection on daily reading. Unintended - 5 minutes of editing too.;-)

"Man is humbled, and each one is brought low, and the eyes of the haughty are brought low." Isaiah 5:15

Repentance is a hidden blessing of the Lenten season.  I need to be 'brought low,' not in a 'woe is me,' or beating up on myself, but by looking hard and carefully at my pride.

"Thank goodness I'm not like that tax collector."  How often do I allow a similar thought? Thank goodness I'm not like that person lashing out at the checker. Or those two gossiping at the table behind me.  Or the woman in front of me with no teeth.  My thoughts, when I acknowledge them, are embarrassing.

Or what about my pride in comparing myself so I will feel more confident? "My cake looks and tastes better. My kids are better behaved. I'm smarter/wiser/more clever."  Ugh!! So, so ugly.

Or the greatest pride of all - the disease of 'I'm right.'  I know best.  Patting myself on the back and looking down my nose at 'the wrong.' Feeling so superior has to be the antithesis of humility.

I need to climb off my high horse and get on my knees.  I'm sorry, Lord, for thinking I'm more special than any one of your creations.  For exalting myself. My pride is ugly, and I am ashamed.

When I get real and admit my pride, when I acknowledge my ugly thoughts and confess ... grace flows more easily. Humility and repentance uncork grace and allow it begin to flow through me.