Measuring Success

I finally sat down to fellowship with the Lord today at 6:30pm in a quiet corner of the theatre where my son was rehearsing. I opened by singing softly "Quiet my heart," "Jehovah Jirah, my Provider," and "Create in me a clean heart." It takes me some time and focus to quiet my heart (and mind!) Then I prayed through the armor of God and through 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, copying these verses as well. As I sat quietly, asking what to read, it seemed I needed to stay in that passage. I broadened a bit to read all of chapter 10.
I have been in a season of struggling: my husband in Iraq, 5 children, messy house, teaching a teen driver, too much driving, panic attacks, medication and its side effects, loneliness, behind in every area of life. I measure myself constantly and ALWAYS come up short. I'm failing – miserably. Tidbits from chapter 10 spoke to my heart as if straight from the Lord Himself.
"You are looking at things as they are outwardly." (verse 7) Oh yes! Absolutely and all the time! Is there another way to look at things? How can I help but look at my messy house, chaotic schedule and frantic spirit. Verse 13 tells me to look "within the measure of the sphere which God apportioned to us." What is the sphere God has apportioned to me? That would be important to know if I am to measure ONLY within that sphere.
I am uncertain, and then suddenly, after sitting quietly some time, I am quite certain. Today (and until I 'get it') the measure of each day is did I spend quality and quantity time with God. Morning would be best, but any time of day will suffice. If so, the day is measured as a success. End of discussion. Nothing else matters.
Paul starts chapter 10 referring to the "meekness and gentleness of Christ." I am so thankful that He is gentle with me, much more so than I am with myself! I've been a Christian for over 20 years!!! Why am I still struggling with what should be basic? Nevermind. Today, for the first time in a long time, I will go to bed considering the day a success. Tomorrow I will measure myself within the sphere God has apportioned to me at this time of my life. No comparing with others. No comparing with some ideal I've created. A burden is lifted and a measure of peace fills my heart. Ah, the goodness and gentleness of our Lord!