For 25 years I’ve had the same job. Most of the time I work independently and set
my own schedule. I have no direct
supervisor or performance reviews. I
know other people who fulfill the same job responsibilities, but we work at
different sites. My job description
constantly evolves. I’m a mom, and I
homeschool my kids.
I would like a word from You, Lord, about my job performance
these 25 years. I’ve failed many
times. There are so many things I would
do differently. I have regrets. I feel like I was a mediocre servant, a
mediocre disciple. Did I fail my kids?
Did I make mistakes? Yes.
Did I admit my mistakes? Sometimes. Not as often as I should have.
Did I love them? Yes.
Was I faithful? Mostly.
I reared them. I disciplined them. I read to them. I helped them experience life.
I also yelled at them.
I put them in time out and forgot.
I avoided dealing with situations.
I taught them. I did
not pray enough – with them or for them.
I trained them. I supported them.
I released them. I
did not hold onto the adults past when it was appropriate.
I loved them. I
protected them. I defended them. I fought for them, supported them, stood up
for them.
I cherished. I
relished. I nurtured. I made allowances. I forgave.
I cried. I celebrated.
I mothered.
I gave – to them and for them. My time.
My love. My energy. My heart.
My knowledge. My wisdom. My strength.
My skills. My weakness. My imperfection. My sin.
My all.
Did I give my all?
Yes, for the most part I’d say I did.
I’m human and a sinner. I made mistakes and wrong choices.
But I’ve given all I have to parent and teach these
five. I’ve read and researched. I’ve studied – books and the children. I’ve pondered and prayed. I’ve second guessed. I’ve agonized. Would I do things differently? Of course I would! Hind sight, you know.
But I tried. I can
say I gave it my all. Sometimes that all
was pitiful, broken, misshapen or cracked.
But it was my all.
I long to hear a “well done, good and faithful servant,” but
I fear I have not been good or faithful.
What might the Lord tell me?
“You’ve been faithful. I’ve seen your perseverance, and I love your
passion. Sometimes you lost sight of
first things first, you forgot to ‘seek first,’ and that’s when it began to
crumble. But I never expected
perfection. I receive all you gave.”
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for
the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the
inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.”
Colossians 3:23-24
Happy Mother’s Day to me.
J
